Friday, May 25, 2007

Headline from the near future

President Bush Suspends Elections
March 12, 2008

President Bush announced today that with the compromise legislation passed by congress this morning, elections are officially suspended and also instituted a moratorium on term limits in order to successfully pursue the war on terror.

"To broadcast to our enemies a date at which they will face an America with a commander-in-chief less steadfast than myself is nothing short of raising the white flag of surrender. This would embolden Al-Qaeda," he stated. "It is hard for me to cancel these elections, but war is hard, and freedom demands sacrifice"

Congressional Democrats reluctantly caved after initial legislation requiring a set date on which to hold the next presidential election was vetoed on the grounds that it would hurt our troops in the field. Sources on the hill claim Democratic leaders agreed to this in order to avoid being labeled 'soft on terror'.

Majority Leader Harry Reid stated, "Although we are ultimately unhappy with this legislation, we do feel that this compromise is a small step in the right direction. We have made the president commit to important benchmarks, including not being able to appoint a family member as his successor and refusing the title of Emperor" He also publicly put questions of impeachment to rest. "We might disagree with the President, but we support our troops and do not desire to complicate operations in the field. Impeachment is off the table."

Privately, democratic leaders believe this move will shave another 2% off Bush's approval rating, taking him down to 28%; they hope the presidents' unpopularity will help a Democrat take over the office when elections are scheduled to resume sometime after 2018.

A recent poll indicated that 35% of Americans disapproved of the president's decision, 25% approved, and 40% wanted to get off the phone because American Idol was on.

No comments: