And your Little Dog, too!

I have a serious problem with Scooby-Doo. And all his half-wit friends.
I know you think I must be twisted to hold a grudge against cartoon characters, but I do. My soul darkens with a special brand of loathing whenever I see or hear them.
Here's why:

1. The complete lack of critical thinking. Put yourself in their shoes: if your last 2,176 cases culminated with you pulling a monster mask off the head of some toothless, spiteful old codger, why in the name of Christ on a pogo stick would you run in fear from the current toothless, spiteful old codger in a monster mask? I don't care if they have a mobile meth lab in the back of that van - If you can teach a dog to talk, you can recognize a simple pattern.
2. On the note of pattern recognition, surely I am not the only person to notice that the villain is always the first person introduced by the friend who invited them to the haunted amusement park/ cursed motel / eeeevil factory. EVERY. SINGLE. TIME! For just once, I'd like to see the celebrity guest be the criminal.
   

   DICK CLARK IS THE EVIL GHOST BUNNY?!? WHY, DICK, WHY?
   
   ratings... slipping... wanted to stay young... needed fresh souls....
   

   
   

Now that would be worthwhile programming. As it is, I'd say hit the first new non-celebrity you meet over the head with a steel pipe, search the guy's room for the secret entrance to the evil lair, find the kidnap victim/ stolen money & call it a day.

Speaking of cartoon dogs.... am I the only person who finds it weird that Goofy is a dog who owns property, wears clothes & eats dinner with his buddy Mickey Mouse - who just happens to have another dog, Pluto, naked & chained to a shack out back where he is forced to subsist on a diet of scraps?